


Paintball

by spacebromance



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 17:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1355566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebromance/pseuds/spacebromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk takes the Bridge crew paintballing for Chekov's nineteenth birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paintball

On the shuttle ride to the paintball zone, Kirk makes a big speech to the crew.

"Look--I want you all to set aside rank for the day. Up there I'm your captain, but today--down here--we're all equals. I know that Spock and I have a lot more combat experience and a lot more tactical experience, but we value all of your opinions. This is a team-building exercise. I don't want anyone to feel hesitant to approach us with ideas.

"Above all, I want you all to remember that this is meant to be _fun._ It isn't about winning or losing, it's about celebrating Chekov's birthday with a kickass game of paintball, so let's have a good time. But to make things just a little bit interesting, the losing team buys a round of drinks for the winners at the end of the day, yeah?"

It a good speech. Heartfelt, but also a little clever. Kirk is proud of himself, but his hopes that the crew will find it rousing are dashed when he discovers that only Spock is listening. Chekov and Sulu are talking animatedly but to each other, Uhura is staring out the window, and Scotty, Marcus, and Bones are all engaged in a polite argument.

"Are you sure that making such a wager is appropriate, Captain? Ensign Chekov is not yet of a legal age to imbibe."

Kirk claps Spock on the shoulder. "It'll be good for him. He needs a little rebellion in his life."

 

Kirk figures that the only equitable way to divide the teams is to have himself and Spock on opposite teams.

Of course Kirk is something of a one-man army, so the teams would still be imbalanced, but he'll take Chekov--who Kirk is pretty sure hasn't so much as _touched_ a phaser since basic training at the Academy--as an additional handicap, and assign Bones to Spock's team as counterbalance.

Scotty is always just slightly clumsy when he's planetside, and Sulu--while lethal with a katana--is quickly going to discover that ranged combat is _a lot_ different, so they're about equal, and will go one apiece to each team. Marcus is an ace shot at the phaser range, but Uhura has a bit more combat experience, so he'll put her with Spock and keep Marcus for himself.

That's about as even as the teams are likely to get.

He's actually slightly impressed with himself for how well that worked out. Which is of course when Sulu steps out of the equipment locker and announces, "Chekov's with me."

Sulu is wearing combat fatigues patterned in green and brown camouflage to match their woodland setting, goggles hanging low around his neck. He's got a long-barreled paintball rifle slung over his back and is methodically loading gold paintballs into a spare cartridge.

Kirk would really like to know where he got that equipment. The clerk only outfitted Kirk with standard safety-wear and a stock paintball gun. Hell--Spock is still wearing his bright blue regulation jersey. Maybe that's what Sulu was carrying in his duffel? Kirk had only thought it was a change of clothes.

"What?"

"Chekov." Sulu pockets the spare cartridge in a holster at his waist. "He's with me."

"Um. Okay. You're _both_ with me, then."

"No, I mean, Chekov's on my team. You're with Spock."

Chekov steps out of the locker room dressed in fatigues similar to Sulu's, but with dark green and brown facepaint covering his face. He also has a ammo bandolier slung across his chest. There's a spare paintball pistol strapped to his thigh. He grins--a flash of white amongst the facepaint--when he sees the Captain.

Bones steps out immediately behind Chekov, looking stiff and uncomfortable and wearing all the safety padding that the equipment clerk had been able to provide.

"Um." Kirk is momentarily startled. "No. Spock and I have to be on opposite teams, to balance things out. Also, aren't you guys supposed to be wearing safety gear?"

"We've got combat padding beneath the fatigues. But we don't have room on our team for you; we're already full."

"What?" Kirk says again.

"Yeah. Scotty, Uhura, Pavel and I."

Marcus storms out of the locker room, wearing dark black fatigues. She's wearing a black facemask to cover the shocking bright of her blonde hair, but she pulls it down to reveal indignant fury. "What? No! You can't leave me with them!" She gestures vaguely toward Kirk and Spock.

"Sorry," Sulu says. He sound sincerely regretful. "We filled up really quickly. Almost immediately."

"I assumed we were going to be filling the teams by ability!"

"Yeah right. And miss this opportunity?" Uhura snorts. She's also dressed in black fatigues, and with eye black underneath her eyes to reduce the glare of the sunlight. In addition to her paintball gun, she also has a length of rope slung over her shoulder.

Scotty is the last to appear, proudly wearing his Operations Red, but the shirt is stained with grease and slashed dramatically across the chest to reveal the black combat armor beneath it. He has a red bandana tied over his forehead, and is carrying an actual combat helmet tucked beneath one arm. With the other arm Scotty hefts in a modified paintball gun that's been made made semi-automatic, with an ammunition barrel attached to the side.

When he reaches the group, Scotty sets his gun down and rocks on the balls of his feet, positively gleeful.

"Good _god_ , man," Bones says, horrified. "Is this going to be a slaughter? I don't even want to be here. I'm a _doctor._ Consider me a field medic--I'm a neutral party! How 'bout I return my gun and we all agree not to shoot me?"

"It'll be fine," Kirk says. "Look, Sulu, don't you think this arrangement is going to be a little _one-sided_?" Sure, they're bringing in a lot of custom hardware, but he and Spock are both combat _powerhouses_ ; they're going to dominate the field. He doesn't want anyone to get frustrated, certainly not now that he knows they're all _really_ into it.

"Well, _yeah._ " Sulu looks at him like, ' _Duh. That's the point,'_ which makes Kirk think he's probably _missing_ the point--or maybe he actually thinks they stand a chance?--but who is he to argue? He promised them they'd all be equals here today; he can't go about giving orders now.

"Well, okay. If you say so. You're still on for the wager, though, right?"

"Yeah, about that--Chekov wants a round _apiece._ "

"Yes, yes!" Chekov bounds forward. "Mister Scott and I--we are in disagreement about vodka versus scotch. So how could we choose just one? No--we must both have a shot of each and judge them. To prove that vodka is superior."

"Oh, _get off!"_

"If you can take us down, I will _personally_ buy you each a round," Kirk agrees, grinning at Spock. "But don't come crying to me when you're shelling out for a round for each of us in return."

Marcus scoffs and pulls the mask back over her face and secures her goggles. "This is bullshit. And I just want you to know, I'm going to make you regret not choosing me for your team."

Sulu shakes her hand. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Alright, everybody, quiet down. The name of the game is 'Capture the Flag,' and here's how you play."

 

Ten minutes later, when Kirk has _eight_ separate paintball pocks on his person, he is starting to regret his decision.

" _How are they doing this?_ "

"Captain, I believe you are 'disabled.' You should not be mobile until the play has been reset."

"Screw that. I can't even tell where the fire is _coming_ from. The camo gear is an unfair advantage"

"On the contrary, sir, I believe that their positioning is what has provided them the most tactical advantage so far. Lieutenant Uhura had taken up residence in that large tree there, and was providing valuable map awareness to the rest of her team, until Lieutenant Marcus eliminated her. Unfortunately Mister Chekov and Mister Sulu remain highly mobile on both our left and right flanks."

"So their flag is undefended?"

There's a slew of automated paintball fire from the opposing team's base. When it stops he can hear Marcus yelling, " _Motherfucker!"_ and Scotty laughing and shouting, "That was a great bloody shot!"

Spock leans over a barrier. "It would appear that Lieutenant Marcus and Chief Scott have eliminated each other. _Now_ their flag is undefended."

Kirk practically shoves at Spock. "Go, Spock! Get the flag!"

There are two near-simultaneous cracks of paintball fire, and when Spock turns, there are twin paintball pocks on either side of his uniform jersey. He frowns, and they both twist to see Sulu and Chekov ducking and running between trees on either side of the range.

Spock sits down beside Kirk.

"So Bones--"

"--is the only active member of our team remaining, yes."

"Chekov and Sulu are a bit uncanny. You ever notice that? They have a little bit of that 'freaky twin thing' going on."

"I believe that's what makes them such a remarkable helm team, sir."

"Yeah. And also scary as hell."

There's an extended moment of silence, in which they both watch as Chekov and Sulu weave stealthily across the field, communicating with silent hand motions and shrugs. Kirk would like to hold out hope, but Bones doesn't stand a chance.

They disappear behind the trees, then Bones' voice carrying over the silence. "Aw, _hell._ "

"Your crew does have remarkable tactical capability, sir."

Only Spock could make this situation sound like a compliment.

"Yeah," Kirk laughs. "Thanks."

 

By the evening, Kirk is covered from head to toe in a pattern of paintball-sized bruises. There is an actual outline of bruising where his goggles were sitting against his face, and there's a splash of red paint in his hair that won't come out, no matter how hard he scrubs at it. (Uhura claims that one as a personal triumph.)

Despite their overwhelming defeat, Marcus actually emerges with the highest shooting record of the day. Bones only managed to fire about two shots total, one of which actually _hit Kirk._ Scotty refuses to leave his modified paintball gun, and carries it with him into the bar where they gather for drinks. He and Chekov discuss design performance in between shots.

As Kirk pays for _yet another_ round--this time Sulu's choice of a local microbrew--he decides that, despite being so sore he can hardly sit, it's still been an incredible experience.

But he's never taking them paintballing _ever again._

**Author's Note:**

>  **CREDIT:** Tumblr user [little-smartass](http://little-smartass.tumblr.com/) said [this](http://little-smartass.tumblr.com/post/77949292602/): (Kirk to Spock) "in the twentieth century paintballing was considered a coming-of-age ceremony. we would be depriving chekov of his heritage and right if we were not to take him for his birthday" ( _sic)_. And then I had a powerful need for Chekov and Sulu dominating at paintball.
> 
> Also, the legal drinking age in Russia is eighteen, so Chekov is legal in his home country. But I don't know what drinking age Starfleet adheres to, so I'm just assuming 21, because idk. This also apparently exists in some weird spatial-temporal vortex, because this is set during the five-year mission.


End file.
